Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
