No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
