I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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