So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
