His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
tell me about the eggs
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
