The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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