It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
