he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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