Will you blow on my dice?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
