Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
