fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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