woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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