Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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