my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
