Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
