I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
