So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
