I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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