I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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