My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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