The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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