You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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