I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My breasts were aching with rage.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
