Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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