at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
not ubering you a puppy
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
