I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
