One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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