i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
