i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
