i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
