He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
