guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
