lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
