You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
