last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
