I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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