u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
