Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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