first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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