I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
