I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
