my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
