The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
