I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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