She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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