Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
