Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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