I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Randomize
