I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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