Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
foreskin is a definite game changer
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
