My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Randomize
