When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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