I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
