I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
