I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
