Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
