last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
