I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
